| planning, tips & budgets | |||
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| conquer the stress of wedding planning:
Your wedding day and the months prior, are a time you want to remember fondly, not recall as a stressful, chaotic period. Impossible you may say, but it can be done by remembering a few simple things: be organized, plan ahead, delegate and communicate. read more twelve ways to stress proof your wedding day: First of all, you've heard it before and you'll hear it again: don't fret over the small things. If the cake topper is different than you remember or the napkins are the wrong shade of blue, your guests won't notice. Relax, take a deep breath and remember your goal...getting married to the person you love. That said, you can take a few advance precautions to stress-proof your wedding day. read more planning your wedding ceremony from vows to checklist: Your wedding ceremony is the very core of your special day. Making it just right, as with every other part of your wedding, requires careful planning and organization. Although there are price parameters to be considered here as well, the successful ceremony is more an issue of content than of budget. read more |
 | preparing your guestlist: In decades past, when a couple got married, the whole community came out to celebrate in the town square, bearing gifts for the happy sixteen year olds. But then of course, the town square didn't charge thirty dollars a head and the gifts consisted of live chickens and pigs. Weddings have become a bit more complicated since those days. read more hiring a wedding consultant: Very few brides are professional event planners, stage directors or project managers, thus there can be a huge margin for error in planning a wedding. In fact, almost everyone in the wedding business has heard the same refrain from a frantic bride..."I've never planned a wedding before!" read more gift registry: Bridal registry--what's it all about? Traditionally, there have been two reasons to set up a gift registry in the days leading up to your wedding. First, it allows you to select items you need in your new, married life. Secondly, gift registry is designed to make shopping easier for your wedding guests. read more | |
| conquer the stress of wedding planning | |||
| Your wedding day and the months prior, are a time you want to remember fondly, not recall as a stressful, chaotic period. Impossible you may say, but it can be done by remembering a few simple things: be organized, plan ahead, delegate and communicate. The best place to start your wedding planning is by talking to friends and family about their wedding experiences. This way you'll pick up great ideas - and also learn from their mistakes. Then get reading, surround yourself with wedding magazines, and wedding websites. It's important for you and your fiance to sit down together, early in the process to figure out exactly what you want. Prioritize and communicate. Decide what is and what isn't negotiable and go from there. A couple needs to choose their battles and be willing to give in on certain things so they can stand firm on other issues. Couples should also resolve to stay united and make decisions together. Even an innocuous decision, such as telling your future in-laws you're having a harpist at the ceremony, should be checked out with your intended. Emotions tend to run high at this time, so a couple should vow to be accountable only to each other and thus minimize possible tension. Setting a budget together, and sticking to it, will reduce your stress level. Once you’ve established how much money you have to spend start looking at venues, photographers, DJs, wedding gowns etc. If figures aren’t your forte, ask for help from friends or family, but beware, everyone has an opinion. Some people can get down right pushy or have different expectations from your own. Conflict, and stress will arise if too many people try to run the show or take the leadership role. Suggestions are fine, but you and your fiance should stay in charge. Compromise if necessary. If parents are helping financially but you still want to have the final say, you need to make this clear early on. Just be sure everyone knows where they stand. It also pays to call around early and get quotes before making bookings so you can juggle your budget if necessary. The last thing you need is to be stressing about how you’re going to pay for everything. Remember to keep a record of spending as you go, being careful not to overstep your budget. Don’t forget to delegate tasks whenever possible. Don’t try to do it all yourself or you’ll end up truly stressed. Although brides often play a larger role in wedding planning, grooms are capable of taking on their fair share. If possible look for a venue that does most of the work for you - catering, flowers, music, cake, and ceremony venue all rolled into one. That takes a huge chunk out of your organizing schedule. Another option, if you can afford it, is to employ professionals to organize the entire wedding leaving only minimal tasks for you, which leaves plenty of time to add those personal touches. Paying someone else to do the stressing is a great idea! Be true to your wedding checklist, to keep stress at bay. Once you’ve set your wedding date, make a checklist of what you need to do and work through it. Remember you run the list, the list doesn't run you! Use a three-ring binder, accordion file or some other means of keeping all your wedding information together. This requires some organization but it pays off in the long run. If you've never used a daily calendar before, this is a great time to start. Finally, there's a good reason people often start planning their nuptials a year in advance. Having more time to work out the details, means less stress. Consider your wedding date carefully. If stress does become an issue, here's some suggestions: 1) allow thirty minutes for a long walk, every other day 2) reduce your caffeine intake and switch to water 3) take a "time-out" day for something fun 4) dim the lights and enjoy a long, hot bath--together 5) make an appointment for a massage back to top | |||
| twelve ways to stress proof your wedding day | |||
| First of all, you've heard it before and you'll hear it again: don't fret over the small things. If the cake topper is different than you remember or the napkins are the wrong shade of blue, your guests won't notice. Relax, take a deep breath and remember your goal...getting married to the person you love. That said, you can take a few advance precautions to stress-proof your wedding day. 1. For your bridal party, select dependable attendants and give each one a copy of the tentative timeline for the day. Avoid asking children under three years old to be in the wedding party. If you must, let one of the attendants walk with the child or pair them with an older child. 2. Get all your vendor service agreements in writing, in the form of a standard contract. Spell out exactly what you want and don't want when you make the bookings. Don't wait until the wedding day to make major changes. 3. Learning to delegate is vital, especially the day of the wedding. Put someone else in charge of paying the vendors, moving the guest book from the ceremony to the reception site, double checking with the caterers, or any other small task. Read through your list and assign everything! 4. Pack and bring along a bride's emergency kit which includes, extra panty hose, clear nail polish for runs, tissues, aspirin, spot remover, static cling spray, hemming tape, band-aids, a sewing kit with safety pins. For the groom's kit include: mouthwash, breath mints, razor, cologne and comb. 5. Have attendants arrive early to get dressed so there is no delay when the photographer arrives and no worry about making the wedding on time. 6. Fasten fake rings to the ring pillow, so they won't fall off. Have an adult carry the real ones. Also, don't give the pillow to the youngster until about two minutes before they start down the aisle. 7. Practice walking and turning in your gown. Make sure it fits properly before the ceremony. Find the easiest way to walk and turn with the train, so you're not tripping over it or having to hike it up. Get a feel for how the dress moves. Don't eat, drink, smoke or apply make-up after you've put the gown on for the ceremony. If you do drink, use a straw and be very careful. 8. In the week prior to the wedding, phone all your vendors and verify everything. Have them read back to you the date, time, location and exactly what they will be doing. Make sure they know the directions to the site. Bring a list of phone numbers so someone can call them if they don't show up on time. 9. Nervous stomach or not, eat something before the wedding. Have someone pick up a sandwich or veggie tray to share with the bridesmaids. You don't want to faint before all your friends and family! 10. Order enough food, drinks and place settings for everyone who RSVP'ed, plus some additional in case of last minute arrivals. 11. Decide on your order of events at the reception in advance of the wedding day and be sure the wedding coordinator or DJ also has the information ahead of time. 12. Beware of asking friends or family to provide music, food, official photography or any other service at the wedding. They may have good intentions, but an awkward situation can arise if you aren't happy with the results. Also, never let a friend or relative serve as bartender, as they may give generous portions and deplete the supply or get inebriated themselves. back to top | |||
| planning your wedding ceremony from vows to checklist | |||
| Your wedding ceremony is the very core of your special day. Making it just right, as with every other part of your wedding, requires careful planning and organization. Although there are price parameters to be considered here as well, the successful ceremony is more an issue of content than of budget. Once again, it is best to break down the larger issue into smaller components. If you do your research and planning carefully, arranging your ceremony can be a fulfilling, pleasant, and even a spiritual experience. Begin by deciding the type of ceremony you wish to have. Whether you want the ceremony to be held by a Village or Town Justice of the Peace, clergy person, or other officiator, find and reserve that person early. If you have a civil ceremony, most justices are open to performing the ceremony in any number of different kinds of locations, as long as it is within their and your State. Different states require different licensure and have different legal requirements. Discuss the parameters and requirements of such a service with your officiator. If you are going to have a Catholic ceremony, you have basically two choices: a ceremony contained within a mass, or a service held without a mass. Practicing Catholics tend to prefer the former. Once that decision is made, the parameters are fairly well laid out by tradition. Changes and additions may be made, but the priest is the final arbiter of what is and is not appropriate. This varies greatly from a Quaker or Friends ceremony in which anyone in the congregation may speak, at any length, on virtually any subject (preferably one that is spiritual rather than mundane). Jewish wedding ceremonies traditionally end with a "bang," the shattering of a glass underfoot. There are a variety of interpretations for this tradition, just one of which is the addition to every happy event, a bit of sadness that recalls the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Religious ceremonies each have their own particular guidelines, too numerous to mention here. So, If you wish to have a religious ceremony, your best resource for information is your clergy person. Interfaith, intercultural ceremonies, or same-sex commitment ceremonies all come with their own particular details and specifics. It is best for you to consult with your officiator or another expert to give you the guidelines and make suggestions for the preparation of a tasteful, moving ceremony. Your clergy person may also have special requirements for the bride and groom, such as premarital counseling for discussion of critical issues in your upcoming marriage. You will need to pick a location for your ceremony. Especially if it is to be held in a church or synagogue, you should make reservations way in advance. Popular seasons and times of year, get taken early. Planning a year in advance is not too much ahead of time. Next comes your decision regarding you wedding vows. Weddings today are stressing enduring values, with couples placing emphasis on their shared trust, faith, and monogamy. Your wedding vows are a public declaration of your marriage. You may choose traditional wedding vows, you may write your own vows, or you may use a combination of the old and the new. You can make your vows more relevant to you by substituting words or phrases, by adding verses, and by mentioning family and friends. In this way, you personalize your vows so that they become more meaningful to you and your guests. Verses you select may come from the Scriptures or prayers from the Bible, in which there are many lovely words that emphasize the sanctity of marriage. You may choose to do a reading from a favorite book, poem, or play that has particular significance to the two of you. Some brides and grooms get even more "serious" by quoting from works of philosophy which illustrate their feelings and convictions to one another. In a Jewish wedding, the vows, so to speak, are the ketubah, or wedding contract, signed by the couple before the ceremony. In some cases, the circumstance surrounding recitation of the vows is more important even than the content. Couples who have a strong belief in astrology may be concerned about waiting for a particular planetary alignment to start their marriage in an auspicious way. Whether your wedding is a large, formal one, or a small, intimate one, the ambiance of the ceremony can be enhanced by your choice and delivery of your wedding vows. Should you choose to have music at your ceremony, it will add immeasurably to the magic of the moment. Music always has the ability to set the tone for an event. This is equally true for your ceremony. Music must be chosen carefully, with attention to good taste, as well as to personal preferences. Traditionally ceremony music is performed by an organist and/or string quartet (violin, flute, harp), or a brass ensemble (trumpet, trombone, French horn, baritone). You may compliment your instrumental music with one or more vocal soloists. Like with other aspects of your ceremony, you may stay with traditional musical instruments and selections or you may be more experimental and "creative" by selecting more contemporary music. The use of guitar or harp, with or without an accompanying soloist, is just one suggestion. An ensemble of two to five string or wind instruments is another alternative. Music can begin being played as your guests enter and are seated. This should take between 20 and 30 minutes depending on the number of guests and the size of the location. Music can accompany various parts of the ceremony. When the wedding party enters, musical accompaniment, from the tradition wedding march to a mixed variety of pieces can be played. If the clergy person sings any of the parts of ceremony, he or she may choose to have musical accompaniment. Music continues during the recessional, as the wedding party and then the guests exit. The clergy or officiator may be asked to make recommendations regarding both the kinds of music and the choice of musicians, and vocalists. You will first need to decide the kind of music you like. Do so by listening to as many different choices as possible. Many musical groups will furnish you with tapes to listen to in order to make your choice. Be careful with your choice of pieces, because some religious groups may restrict the use of secular pieces, even though in most cases you will have complete freedom with regard to the kinds of musical instruments. Once you have selected your musicians, they become another valuable resource. They will be pleased to offer you with suggestions, of lists of suggestions of music they suggest for the different segments of your ceremony. Keep in mind that there may be religious restrictions regarding photography, videos, and music during the ceremony, Be certain to check with your clergy person for those parameters. One of your best resources for planning your wedding ceremony is your clergy person or wedding officiator. These are professionals who have participated in many ceremonies, know what to expect, can guide you, and keep you clear of pitfalls. They are aware of the legal requirements, as well as other details of your ceremony and will be pleased to assist you. Other bits of nontraditional, or novel additions to your ceremony are the lighting of a unity candle to symbolize the unity of the newly created family. Especially when the wedding is between couples of different religious or ethnic backgrounds, the blending of cultures and traditions is an option that brides and grooms are taking more and more often. One way of differentiating a ceremony is by embracing a variety of histories. One such example is the inclusion of the African tradition in which the bride and groom jump a broom, and the Latin custom in which the bridal couple are encircled by a braided silver necklace to signify the formation of a new family unit. One lovely sentimental touch that can be added to your ceremony, is the presentation of bouquets by the bride and groom to each other's mothers. Your wedding rings serve as a reminder, always, of your commitment to one another. Jewish tradition calls for the groom to convey something of value to his bride (and more recently, she to him, as well). This conveyance seals the wedding contract, so it is in a sense part of a legal ceremony. Although couples have also exchanged other items, rings still win out. It is extraordinarily important for you to share the details of your ceremony with all the professionals who will take part in your wedding. If they each know the details, they can make certain that they perform their allotted functions in a timely, organized way, including and covering everything you deem to be important. Discussion and communication are the keywords here! Where possible and permissible, a thorough rehearsal of the wedding ceremony is suggested. For some reason the rehearsal dinner has flourished while the actual rehearsal often falls away. Take your time at the rehearsal, and have everyone participating run through the routine at least twice. The goal here is to get everyone familiar with the schedule and comfortable. Remember to keep in mind that planning your ceremony should be a bonding element between bride and groom. Try not to allow disagreements about details to adversely impact on this delightful aspect of your wedding. CEREMONY: An environmentally correct alternative to having your guests toss rice or confetti at you as you leave the church, adds a nice touch. Have your florist or a friend, make paper cones (you might even have your name printed on these) which are then filled with rose petals. Have guests throw the petals instead of rice. back to top | |||
| preparing your guest list | |||
| In decades past, when a couple got married, the whole community came out to celebrate in the town square, bearing gifts for the happy sixteen year olds. But then of course, the town square didn't charge thirty dollars a head and the gifts consisted of live chickens and pigs. Weddings have become a bit more complicated since those days. Narrowing down the guest list will be one of your most challenging and important wedding tasks, since the size will greatly affect your overall wedding expenses and the site options. It's a rare bride and groom who don't have to edit their original list, whether dealing with 30 or 300 people. Most likely, you, your fiancé, and both families will be contributing names to the list, and each party will have their own ideas about who is necessary and who is not. To help, try this list-cutting strategy: Start by setting a goal for your list size. Base this on your budget, on space limitations or both. Have everyone involved submit a list of the people they'd like to attend. From the top, they should rank the names in order of importance. Then, cross off any duplications. Add up the names and compare that number with your goal. If your count is over the limit, determine how many need to be eliminated. Then, cut a number of names from each list starting at the bottom, until you reach the desired amount. Here's another option. Since most reception halls and caterers don't need a final head count until the week before the wedding, you have the option of creating an A and B list. Make two groups on your list: A, the people you really want to attend and B, the people you would like to see there, but aren't quite as significant as A list guests. Send out your entire A list invitations first, and wait for your responses to come back. For every "no" response you get, immediately send out an invitation to someone on your B list. It's important not to make it obvious that someone on your B list was "2nd choice". In other words, don’t send out a B list invitation a week before your wedding! Experts with years of experience in wedding planning say approximately one quarter of those invited won't attend, so you can safely invite more people than you actually expect. Be forewarned, if more than one person controls the guest list, things can get stressful. Preparing the list and keeping all family members happy, requires diplomacy and tact. Here's another possible idea: any person who wishes to invite more than his or her allotted amount should be willing to pay for those additional guests. However, you still must keep in mind the seating capacity of the ceremony and reception venue. What about inviting children? Most people agree, kids change the dynamic of a wedding, sometimes for the worse. If unsupervised, groups of children will take over the dance floor at the reception and their antics can be disruptive. On the other hand, children are part of the family and having three or four generations at a wedding can make the event especially memorable. If you're inviting a number of couples with children, it might be best not to include any kids at all, with the exception of the ring bearer and flower girl. Simply address their invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Sam Miller. Sending an invitation to Mr. Sam Miller and Family, indicates you wish to include everyone in the event. Some couples hire a baby-sitter, a clown or magician to keep the smaller children happy and occupied during the reception. This could be an option for both the church and the reception hall. Another rule of thumb, if you haven't seen or spoken with a person in two to three years, take them off your guest list. Save the spots for the most important people in your life now, rather than your best friend from summer camp twenty years ago. back to top | |||
| hiring a wedding consultant | |||
| Very few brides are professional event planners, stage directors or project managers, thus there can be a huge margin for error in planning a wedding. In fact, almost everyone in the wedding business has heard the same refrain from a frantic bride..."I've never planned a wedding before!" Some newly engaged couples simply can't handle the added stress or cope with the time-consuming details of planning their weddings. As with any complicated project, there might be a need for a "project manager." In the wedding business, this person is known as a wedding coordinator or wedding consultant. Regardless of whether your event is large or small, a wedding coordinator can remove the burden of hundreds of details, and see to it that all the segments of the wedding are properly planned and implemented. Coordinators will tell you, they wear many hats. They will counsel brides on what is possible within their budgets, offer advice on all aspects of the wedding and can do the actual leg work of booking, hiring, and contracting wedding vendors. In addition, they can manage the events of the wedding and reception, so the bride, groom and wedding party can be worry-free to enjoy the day. A typical wedding consultant will begin by asking you to describe the style of wedding you have in mind. You may be asked to detail all the preferences you and your fiance have decided upon to make your wedding special and distinctive. Money and budgets will be discussed, and you'll need to pin down the cost range you have in mind. When a complete picture of your event begins to take shape, the coordinator will make recommendations which will eventually make your nuptials a reality. Some people fear a coordinator will barge in and take over, but that's very unlikely. Reputable coordinators make your dreams come true, not their own. They have close contacts with all wedding vendors, such as rental outlets, jewelers, caterers, photographers, DJs and florists of the highest quality. A coordinator will only hire the best and will often guarantee these services. Coordinators are experts on wedding etiquette, so whenever you have a question about what is "right" they'll have the answer. They can also shield the couple from problems arising on the wedding day. Familiar with wedding timelines, a coordinator knows what planning tasks need to be done when, and will alert you to them. This can lower the stress level for everyone. When selecting a coordinator, be sure to interview several before making your final choice. Find one you feel comfortable working closely with and one who understands your wishes. Inquire about how many weddings the coordinator has worked on in the past. Find out exactly what services they offer and what they don't. Check their references. Ask yourself, does this person seem organized and professional? It's also a good idea to establish the fee structure up front. Experts recommend the bride who is starting on the planning process have at least one meeting with a wedding coordinator, that could help her avoid many pitfalls. If the bride does nothing but have an initial consulting service, she will likely be savings hundreds of rands down the line. The cost of wedding consultants vary from region to region, and with the overall wedding size. As a general rule you can expect to pay ten to twenty percent of the total wedding costs for a person who is managing all aspects of a large wedding. Others may charge a flat fee. If possible, it's better to have a flat fee, thus you know the complete cost up-front. Going with a percentage, can create a conflict of interest because the larger your budget, the more the consultant will get paid. If a wedding is in your future, but you feel "timed-out," consider a wedding consultant. back to top | |||
| gift registry | |||
| Bridal registry--what's it all about? Traditionally, there have been two reasons to set up a gift registry in the days leading up to your wedding. First, it allows you to select items you need in your new, married life. Secondly, gift registry is designed to make shopping easier for your wedding guests. These days the term "bridal" is a bit misleading. It's not just the bride who should be involved with this aspect of wedding planning. "Couples" registry might be more appropriate. One of the biggest mistakes couples make when registering is heading into the store unprepared. Before you begin the process, talk with your fiance about your choices, preferences and individual needs. Do you plan to hold formal dinners often or is your lifestyle more casual? Is your kitchen already full of appliances or lacking the essentials? Does your taste run more to contemporary, country, or Swedish modern? Once you have decided on general preferences, then you're ready to start selecting specific items for your registry. Include a wide range of merchandise. Registries are no longer just about linens and formal china. Couples today are getting married later and many already have the basic home and kitchen items. So instead, you might consider recreational items such as camping gear or workshop items such as power tools. Also choose items within a range of prices to fit any budget, that way all your guests can use the registry, not just rich Uncle Al. Be realistic about your needs. If you can't imagine ever using a gigantic silver serving tray, don't register for it, as storage space is always a consideration. If your current food processor works fine, don't register for another one, just because it's on a kitchen checklist you saw in a magazine. Go with list in hand and stick to it. Wandering aimlessly around the store until you see things you like, will be a long and frustrating proposition. Most bridal magazines have a list of popular items which you can revise to meet your own needs. Or ask the store(s) if they offer such a worksheet. When should you register? As a general rule, it should be completed no less than five months ahead of your wedding day and even earlier if possible. It's a good idea to check back with the store(s) occasionally and again a month before the wedding to make sure your selections are still available and in stock. When it comes to registry, getting the word out is probably your toughest challenge. Experts say it's a serious breach of etiquette to list your registry on your wedding invitations. For the most part, you must rely on word of mouth. As soon as you've registered, let close friends and family know. Two other options are placing a discreet link on your wedding website or putting a small notice in your wedding shower invitations. When asked directly where you're registered, don't hesitate to give a straightforward answer. Some people feel a sense of guilt when a guest comments, "I won't be able to make your wedding, but where are you registered? " If someone does ask directly, it's likely they really do want to know the answer and give you a gift. You might answer in this fashion, "We're registered at Bloomingdale's and Home Depot, but please don't feel you have to get us something." A very new trend in gift giving is the honeymoon registry. Items on a honeymoon registry include activities or extras the couple would like to do while on their honeymoon. Additionally, gifts are broken down into financially manageable portions. Guests can give airfare, room nights, candlelit dinners, excursions such as horseback riding on the beach, or ski lift tickets. A great snorkeling trip for example, can create honeymoon memories couples remember forever, a unique gift that keeps on giving. Not all travel agencies handle honeymoon registry. Some might advertise the service, but offer little more than an opportunity for your friends and family to mail checks toward the trip. If you're considering this type of registry, find a service which provides more. Look for a company that specializes in honeymoon registry. All gift givers want to feel they've purchased something meaningful. Receiving a list describing in detail what they've purchased, improves their gift giving experience. This may come in the form of a certificate. A travel agency with an 800 number is also helpful for out-of-town wedding guests. Another new trend is on-line gift registry, which can be more convenient and quicker for computer-savvy folks. back to top | |||